Innermost Thoughts
by PotterheadGleekJediAmidala
Summary: Delve into the depths of the Harry Potter series as we uncover some of the untold thoughts and feelings of Hermione Granger during many key events of her life...


Key Event 1 - Being petrified by the basilisk

"Mudblood". Why does the smallest of words cause me to feel such a large amount of unnecessary pain? When I was a little girl, everything about the world of magic completely fascinated me, leaving me staring wide-eyed into books, but also in my dreams. Reading about famous witches and wizards has made me even more determined to become one of them myself, whilst also providing me with the false hope that all witches and wizards are the compassionate people I expect them to be. And in the majority most of them are, however, there are a select few who make me doubt myself and my abilities. "Filthy little mudblood!" Good lord, I inwardly wince every time I replay that memory. The very sound of it causes the blood that surges through my veins to run dry. Partially coming from the 'muggle' world makes me extremely proud of who I am, both out of my personal and academic achievements.  
This is why when I am ridiculed and teased by Draco Malfoy and his cronies, it really hurts me. Come on Hermione, you musn't let this get to you, you're the better person in this entire situation if you ignore him and pursue with your life. Of course, it certainly doesn't help at a time of crisis, like we are currently in. The 'Chamber of Secrets' has supposedly re-opened and there is a suspected beast hunting for all of those who are not completely pure blooded. This means I am most likely to be next. Actually, I know I will be next...but it doesn't frighten me. Of all things, it makes me more determined to get to the source of the mystery before other students fall to the power of the chamber too. I just hope that Harry and Ron utilise what I provide for them, before it's too late.  
Right, I need to go to the library to find out some information on the Chamber of Secrets. Let's hope that it's not called the chamber of secrets for a reason! I believe that the book I'm looking for is in section 3C, aisle 8 and shelf four.

*Minutes later in the library*

It's got to be here somewhere. Ah, brilliant! Chamber, where are you...holy cricket! "Pipes" That's it! Why didn't I notice it before?! The reason why the basilisk has never been seen is because it is using the plumbing and wall systems to travel around Hogwarts. Well, there's that and the significant factor that anyone who comes into eye contact with the basilisk will die instantly. I must be careful. Even if I don't make it out of here alive, I need to ensure that Ron and Harry know what faces them. I'm so thankful that I brought a mirror with me. That way, if the basilisk comes to find me, I won't be in direct eye contact with it. It is imperative that I get back to Harry and Ron...maybe if I-piercing yellow...unbelievably...

Key Event 2- Attending the Yule Ball alongside Viktor Krum

Why is he sending me such an envious, disappointed look? Somebody please tell me where I went so wrong by going to a dance with someone who asked me beforehand? Apparently it's not so obvious to some (actually, only Ron in this case) that I am a young woman. Good gracious, I'm even more convinced that the majority of Gryffindor think that Ron is, regarding the dress robes he is wearing. Bless him. His mother tries so very hard to please all seven of her children, that she sometimes forgets who she is making the apparel for. Oh, stop it Hermione, for once in your life, don't be the person who is trying to make allowances for their social conscience...instead, follow your own.

*Ten minutes later - Ron's staring is becoming more frequent*

Now, I know he has his moments, but I never thought that Ron could act so incredibly childish and immature. It's infuriating! Anyway, I should know better having spent that past four years in the company of two hormonal boys, even though they are my second family. Stop worrying yourself with extraneous detail and honour what is happening to you this very moment: you are accompanying Viktor Krum, yes, the Durmstrang seeker to the Yule ball. I can't quite believe it is happening! Vowing on Bathilda Bagshot's name, girls like me are generally not asked, let alone stalked upon by young men like him. It really just goes to reinforce how much the male mind baffles me. Oh God, he's not particularly loquacious is he? Far too physical for my liking.  
Anyway, that's beside the point. The point is that Ron keeps staring at me and the so called "ruddy pumpkin head" I'm with. I never thought i would find myself in a situation where one of my best friends isn't supporting me. But, I guess that is life for you. Ugh, focus Hermione. Stop your rambling; take a deep breath; be the civilised young woman you've always wanted to be.

Key Event 3 - Altering her parents memories, prior to leaving for battle

They never deserved to be caught up in all of this, as proud of me as they are. Reflecting on the past 6 years, Harry, Ron and I have endured and survived in some of the greatest battles of wizarding history. {Hermione sighs and shakes her head} It's pretty formidable when you think about it. Half of the time I need a moment to compose myself and actually remember that my life is not just one great story book. For the record, it's far from it. I am having a difficult time finding an explanation for how my life turned out this way...yet I wouldn't change it for anything. All except one thing; my parents. Being muggle born, they are extremely unaware of the dangers that the good in the wizarding world faces on a daily basis - with me being one of those people. It's excruciating for me to say, but I can't believe that not even Hogwarts is safe for us anymore, with Dumbledore dead and the Order dissipated. Of course, I daren't speak of it. There's no reason for me to cause them unnecessary concern. And until now, I've succeeded. Unfortunately, with all of the mysterious happenings in the muggle world, even they are aware that something isn't right. I must do something to help them before it's too late. Everybody dear to me keeps reassuring me that nothing horrific is going to happen to them, but I know better. Oh lord, think Hermione! What can I possibly do that won't leave a trace of me or magic behind? Of course! I can use a...oh no. The only logical solution is to use a memory charm. Why should it have to come to this? No child should ever be required to do something like this to their parents.  
This isn't the time for that Hermione, it's about what it best for them! Okay...it's not as if it's forever, I mean, I would take the unbreakable vow if I could. Since I'm most likely about to be killed anyway, that's probably not the wisest idea. I will reverse it one day if it is the last thing I do!

*Hermione silently walks behind her parents*

"Obliviate." No...this isn't happening. In it's entirety, my childhood is disappearing from the walls I know best. The image will never disappear from my mind; family photos being erased; my parents losing a sparkle from their eye. What's done is done - I've done the right thing, haven't I? Of course you have, but why is it that the things we do to protect our loved ones as much as possible...are always the things that cause us so much heart-break and personal strength to do? I don't think I ever need to doubt my bravery again.


End file.
